Alfredball
by Omnicat
Summary: Sequel to 'Of Dogs and Men'. Read that first. Why did Haplo call it Alfredball when there's no ball involved?


**Title:** Alfredball

**Author:** Omnicat v''v

**Rating:** PG, or K+ as it is called nowadays

**Genre:** Humor

**Spoilers:** All the books + appendices.

**Warnings:** Most probably AU. I put Rue in while I'm not entirely sure if they ever _really_ found her...

**Pairings:** Haplo x Marit

**Disclaimer:** Any lawyer reading this for anything but fun should be ashamed of him/herself. It's _fan fiction_. Fiction written by fans of copyrighted material who want to share their scribbles with other fans without making any money by doing so. Why would this fic be any different?

**Summary:** Sequel to 'Of Dogs and Men'. Why did Haplo call it Alfredball when there's no ball involved?

**Author's Note:** Believe it or not, but I was inspired to write this when I got Nikolae Santiago's review for 'Of Dogs and Men'. I did not have this planned! My eye fell on the part 'ball' in Alfredball. What can I say? I was in a giddy mood. Blame Haplo!

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**Alfredball**

Haplo sat cleaning the carcass of a deer he had shot with Rue watching his every move. The girl was eager to learn everything her father could teach her, and Haplo was only happy to show the daughter he had missed for so long - all his 'children', for that matter - how to take care of herself, to become strong and skilful. Even now that the chances of her being orphaned for real where slimmer than they had been in centuries.

Old habits die hard. In many different ways...

The older Patryn just showed Rue how to remove the meat from the femur without damaging the bone, so it could be used later on, when a scream was heard. Now, a few years ago, this would have caused every Patryn within earshot and rune-detection to grab for a weapon. Not anymore, however. It was one habit that had not survived.

"Ah! No, good doggie, good doggie, stay away!"

It sounded as natural as the chirping of the birds.

Haplo and Rue didn't even look up from their gory work when Alfred came stumbling into their clearing as fast as his joints let him. Loud barks could be heard coming closer.

"Hello Alfred." the Patryns chorused.

The elderly Sartan hid behind Haplo. "Haplo, please help me! Call your dog back!"

"I would be glad to, Coren." Haplo said calmly, his blade not pausing. "But you know this one isn't as obedient as the last."

Alfred whimpered as the 'doggie', bigger than the average bear by now, came crashing into the clearing. "Haplo I beg you!"

"Hm." the Patryn seemed to find this very amusing. "All right then. But I can't promise you anything, my friend. Leave Alfred alone, boy!"

The dog... never slowed pace. Alfred shrieked and bolted.

"Goodbye Alfred." the Patryns chorused.

Father and daughter looked at each other and grinned identical, fiendish grins. Marit chose this moment to enter the scene and caught the looks on her family's faces. "Was that Alfred I just heard?" she asked suspiciously.

"Yes."

"What did you do now, Haplo?" Marit sighed, whiping her brow with the back of her hand and taking a bag filled with edible roots from her belt.

The male Patryn looked up with wide, 'innocent' blue eyes. "Me? Nothing."

Marit put her hands on her hips and gave him The Look.

Haplo blanched, but held out.

Marit narrowed her eyes further and cocked her head to the side.

Haplo gulped.

Seeing that her father was about to get terribly and utterly busted, Rue tried to help. "Alfred is playing with papa's dog, mum. That's all."

Marit's gaze shifted to her daughter. Unfortunately for Marit, but fortunately for Haplo, Rue was a girl, and as such much less susceptible to The Look than any man. That, and Rue just had a better poker face than her father.

"Hm." Marit finally said, dropping her bag of roots and squatting down next to her daughter. Haplo and Rue exchanged glances.

_You owe me, dad._

_I sure do._

For a while it seemed that the day could pass without further trouble. Then Alfred was heard again.

Marit looked up with narrowed eyes.

"Tell me what they where playing again."

Despite himself, despite all the time he had spent with her, Haplo answered: "Alfredball."

Alfred wailed somewhere in the woods around them. Suddenly, a thought occurred to Marit. A horrible, horrible thought...

"Haplo..." she said slowly. "Why did you call your game Alfredball? It isn't even played with a ball."

Haplo smirked. Then, as he saw the female Patryn's face, he grinned like a Sartan.

_No, not a Sartan._ Marit corrected herself as another lament resounded. _Like the devil he is._

Haplo spoke the words she had hoped in knowing vain not to get to hear. "It's called Alfredball because the final goal... is the ball."

"What ball?" Marit asked in a small voice, holding on to the illusion that her mate still _could_ mean something else than what she thought.

"Or balls. But getting only one is more difficult, so that earns the dog extra points."

Marit moaned and dropped her face in her hands. "I must have been mad." she muttered. "How could I have ever let this man into my circle?"

"By falling deeply and madly in love with me."

Marit looked up at his bright, warm smile and shook her head weakly. "I am still mad. Completely and utterly crazy."

"YIAICH!"

Marit jerked upright on her feet. She sent Haplo a glare. "I'll get to you later."

"Already looking forward to it, love."

Gold-specked brown eyes flared, but Marit settled for a nasty thwack over the head before dashing of in the direction of the high-pitched screeches. As soon as she was out of sight, the two remaining Patryns burst out laughing.

"You three are hilarious, dad." Rue said between snickers.

"And that, my dear, is why you are such a lucky little girl. Just make sure _you_ are the one with the pet when you're older."

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**PSAN:** I hope you enjoyed reading this. And sorry for all you Alfred-lovers out there... I promise that he did not sustain any permanent injuries. Could somebody quote me on Haplo and Marit's 'children'? I'm curious as to how it is phrased in the original English version. 


End file.
